just musing

26 Jun


its a lovely sunny day out there, and i am staying indoors. i suppose i should go out, and maybe i shall ,maybe bring a book out to the little community garden and just sit in the sun. I thought of going to the google store in tottenham court road. 

I wrote the above earlier today and cancelled it. or thought i did, but wordpress has saved it. i decided to leave it in to show that i thought of doing all those things, but did not do them in the end.

I stayed in instead. and had a nap. haha. Well, now it is 6pm, and i am awake and wondering if i should go to a gay walk in regents park organised at 6.30pm. it is rather late to start of course but i have allready decided not to go.

part of the reason is the hay fever. at the moment i dont have any but going outdoors late in the evening to a park full of grass will/might set it off and i dont fancy it.

I guess what it all boils down to is that  i dont feel that eager to go.

it is a chance to meet other gay guys but the days when i would go out of my way to meet other gay guys are long gone. in those days we think of making sexual contacts that is what drove us to go out … at least it was for me. but nowadays i am rather happy to potter around and just do things i like.

Most things i do is solitary as i dont really like company when i do them. for eg, i would go to swim at the local swimming centre on my own. many sociable people will try to go with someone else, but when you are swimming, you cannot really stick with someone, because either their swimming ability is different from yours so they move to a faster or slower lane, or they dont want to linger at the edge just to chat when they actually go there to swim and exercise.

So most people would, if they want to socialise ,meet up at the coffee shop attached . but i am not really that keen on chatting after the swim as i want to go to the library or supermarket and get on with things.

I know all this make me sound like a loner. and i recognise that. i like my own company and dont really like to stick with other people for fear of being on my own.

it is one of the things i have noticed of social people, they seem they are afraid to be alone, always wanting to be with other people, even if they dont like those people. i am glad i dont have a fear of being on my own.

There is a gay meetup group that meets in soho every wednesday. I attend now and then, but not often. Even though sometimes the thought does occur to me to go there just to make some conversation with other gay guys.

They meet after 7pm which is another reason for me not going as i tend to like going in the daytime. But really it is just me not wanting to go as i realise the actual interactions are quite disastisfying. it is not the same as meeting up with close friends. People in the group come and go and as is usual when strangers meet for the first time or only occasionally there is a holding back and not wanting to confide or say too much about oneself.

Also,  i like to do it spontaneously, like just go to a coffee shop and see what turns up. in the past i did that, because there are the first gay coffeeshop (called firstout, rather appropriately) in soho and so we know we can meet other gay people there and they will be willing to chat.

now of course there are so many coffeeshops and they are all gay friendly, so there is no one place that concentrates all the gay people. haha. Also, many people who are in coffeeshops are busy looking down on their laptops and smartphones so you dont get anyone just looking around and catching other people’s eye and getting into conversation.

There was an article about london or uk being the loneliest place in that we have the lowest number of people saying they have someone they can rely on if they are in trouble. i think that is true because here in london even though we have neighbours all around us, we seldom meet them or even know them. some dont even know their neighbours enough to ask them to hold goods for them by the postman or courier. I think it is we want it that way.

I myself will take goods to keep for my neighbour across the landing in the flat opposite to mine;  and i did not wait to be asked, as i figured it is no trouble at all but i have to admit i dont know my neighbours at all. haha.

The wife once said to me oh u dont recognise me but u know my husband. haha. i cant help but think it is very true. i dont remember women, but also her husband is the one looking after their son and so i tend to see him more around the place.

even now i dont know his son’s name though i can see how much he has grown, and how fast it seems. from being a toddler in the pram, to a kid running around now. they do grow very fast, children I mean, and must make anyone observing them feel literally getting older. haha. 

my life is rather nice and worry free and since i am very contented with my present situation, i feel happy. There is not a lot of drama in my life. thank goodness.

I get my joy from eating my own cooking. there is a nice chicken curry cookng on the stove now made from malaysian curry powder and solid coconut cream which is real easy to make but taste just great. I dont know why people dont use curry powder instead of the bottled curry paste that is only enough for one dish. curry powder contains enough for maybe 6 or more meals. you only need 2 or 3 heaped spoonfuls. i use a bit, not a lot, of cardamon and aniseed to give it extra flavour. if u cook it yourself you can determine how much salt to add. i dont add any as i figure the curry powder allready will have some added.

simon knows that i dont have much salt in my dishes though this time he is not around to eat it as he is away in essex in his mother’s house for a few days off from his shift work. \

i am very glad i dont need to work. ONe of the greatest joys of life is not having to work.

I just read that bridesmaid pay for their outfit out of their own pocket. I have always thought the bride (or her parents)pays for it. what a strange  custom. so all those people with 6 or how ever many bridesmaid surrounding them got all of them for free. i thought u only need one bridesmaid, like pippa middleton acting as bridesmaid to her sister kate, during that royal wedding; and she is there to make sure the train is properly positioned and carried and to make sure her sister is looking fine. one bridesmaid is all that is needed so those with plenty i thought would pay for them. but it seems not so. That blog advised women to say no to being a bridesmaid if they cannot afford it. Well, if it were me, i would certainly say no to being a bridesmaid if i have to pay for the outfit myself. Not need to have someone give me that advise; but then i am a sensible gay man. 






4 Responses to “just musing”

  1. Sarah M Friday June 27, 2014 at 9:59 am #

    There’s nothing wrong with preferring to do things on your own. I hate it when I go to the gym and you can’t get near anything because there’s bunches of women just gossiping together. Why don’t they go to Starbucks if they just want to gossip, instead of getting in my way when I need to get to my locker?
    The world is full of people who can’t do even the simplest things on their own, who hate going back to an empty house or whatever. No, I don’t understand either.

  2. alifesgayventure Friday June 27, 2014 at 10:44 am #

    i think people who dont mind being on their own tend to cope better with life. and those who can do things on their own are even better at adjusting to life. just my view from observing myself. haha. i wonder if swimmers and cyclists are loners, because it is difficult to swim and talk, or cycle and make conversation at the same time. the men in the gym i go to before i switched to swimming, seldom talk, so maybe only the women are so chatty in a gym.

  3. Garfield Hug Saturday June 28, 2014 at 6:57 am #

    Nothing wrong with self time! I treasure me, myself & I times LOL!! Chillax!

    • alifesgayventure Saturday June 28, 2014 at 7:00 am #

      hi, good to know there are others who also like their own company and are self sufficient unto themselves.

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