trying to drum up some enthusiasm

29 Aug


for doing things, i mean. 

yesterday i met up with a guy who i first met in a gay naked clubnight. i gave him my gaydar name and he found me there and asked if we can meet. then he disappeared, i got no reply to my agreeing  to meet , giving him my email address as i dont log onto gaydar much and i am limited in the messages i can write there) and he should name a day and time. well it is not unusual in these cases that the person just goes off. haha.  so i did not think anymore of it. 

out of the blue he sent an email to me a few days ago, saying he had health problems and was out of action. well, i am rather understanding of this, as sometimes i too dont feel like meeting people, (it turned out he really did have gut trouble) so our meet up was on again. i am glad i dont have pretensions and act like a diva. haha. i often hear people who experience these gay websites that they got rude people, but it maybe they were too sensitive and that the person really did have a good reason to not reply for ages. 

finally we met. and went to a coffee shop after his work. he works near me, it turned out. 

i enjoyed the chat, and later he went to the gay gym nearby and i met the owner and found out i was the 6th customer who signed up long ago when he first started. interesting that. i left after 3 or 4 yrs i think, no particular reason really just wanted a change of scene. my new found friend suggest i come along one weekend as his guest. the place has been extended and there are a lot more heavy duty weight machines now. 

the coffee must be very strong, because that night i could not sleep. i was tired but still could not sleep. later, in the morning after a sleepless night, i emailed him to thank him for a nice social time, and he said he too did not sleep. i never knew coffee to affect me like that. we even chosed a one shot, when the barrista asked us one shot or two. if that is a one shot it is hell of a potent shot. 

i guess i shall chose chocolate drink next time i go into a coffee shop. my friend said he will chose tea. but somehow i get the impression coffee shops dont do very good teas. 

anyway, i am trying to make myself interested in things. 

i met a long time neighbour this morning coming back from the library, and she asked me if i am interested in the proms. i told her no. i like classical music but only the nice bits haha. but inbetween the nice bits u can get really boring stuff. i know it is my ignorance speaking, those who appreciate music will never agree with me. but i seem to have stopped listening to music some time ago. i dont switch on the radio any more. 

even the news i tend to skim through, and skip the pages. 

i was walking back and wondering why i dont seem to bother with a lot of things or want to do new things and looking up at the sky and the things around me i realise it is not really necessary to be doing things. i enjoy being alive and being in relatively good health and have all my facillities to observe and see all around me, and to live in the moment savouring everything about being alive now. just the fact i am alive and breathing and able to see and feel and taste and touch all these things is a miracle to me. 

i know the advise to people is to learn a new thing everyday, if u want to live, but i think be aware of the now and the things that are around you now and live for the moment and savour it with all your senses.

that is  really all you need to know; it is a simple way to live for the moment and just enjoy being alive and in good health and be able to breath in and out and have not a worry in the world. 

Added. 3.7.14 i read this in this The meaning of life is just to be alive’. seems like i have discovered this without realising it. 


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