other people’s lives

1 Sep


I was at a gay picnic yesterday, sunday, it turned out to be a nice day with the sun shining occasionally  getting better later on in the day and it was so nice that i stayed on till 6pm. it started at about 2pm.

Rather unusual for me to stay so long but i got talking to the gay guys sitting near me, and one of them was so very socialable and made sure to include everyone near by that it got very freely communicative.

one thing though… we got such a nice group going that it made it quite deterring to go out to the others and join in their groups and try to meet the others.

it is never easy to go out of your own group and try to join another where they have bonded and try to muscle in.

for one thing you may arrive in the middle of their conversation and so dont know what it is all about, and most people would not explain it to you as it would interrupt the flow of conversation. and you as a relative stranger to the group may have to establish your credentials as it were to make the others feel at ease with you to share their personal views etc.

certainly in our group, of 5, including me ; one of us was able to get the others at ease. he is a german, come to stay in london, but goes every 3months to berlin. later he told us it is because he visits his two children aged 5 and 6yrs by two different lesbians. he contributed his sperm to them.

at first i said to him it seems u have got the best of both worlds.

I happen to mention what about  maintainance, thinking he would say there is none; but he said the german govt  had got him to pay 450euros each kid. going up to 650euros a month when they turn 6yrs old. my goodness that puts a damper on any ideas of it being the best of both worlds.

it obviously was not what he expected. he thought he was doing the lesbians a favour.

and in fact in my earlier years i guess i too would have looked at it that way….after all what is the harm in providing the sperm to your good friends who are lesbians and want a child? esp when they say u wont be expected to look after the kid nor pay for it.

thank goodness i dont have any lesbian friends. i dont mean to say it in a bad way… i mean that having no lesbian friends , the situation where one of them might have asked me to contribute my sperm never arose and so i never have to make that choice.

who knows, if i had been asked, i might not have thought it through and carelessly agree to give sperm and forever and a day after that been saddled with maintainance for mother and child.

all the horrors and expense of parenthood and children without the pleasures. i shudder at the thought… what a horrible fate , i am so glad i escaped that.

 but the law caught up with the feckless straight man who fathers a child, and runs away, and any gay guys will be caught up in the same net.

At one time, when the kids were 2 or 3yrs old , he found himself paying 500 euros to one of lesbian mother, who told the govt that she will not work but stay at home to look after the kid… and the govt got him to pay her. it seems his contribution depands on his income, and they know all about his income of course as he was paying the child maintainance then.

that particular  lesbian tricked him, he said. He said it mildly, like stating a fact without any rancour or bitterness. he seems quite calm about it, which i think is a good attitude to take. and he had kept contact with his kids. he said they recognise him as their father, as he had been seeing them every 3months by going to berlin regularly. perhaps he earns a lot of money so the 1000euros a month (approximately) is not a huge % of his income. or it is early days, after all he will be paying , and likely it will rise, till his kids turn 18yrs old.

he was led to believe his role ended by contributing the sperm. haha. it is not the first time,and wont be the last, when a man is laid up the garden path by women. (reading back i know it should be ‘led’, but ‘laid’ seems so inadvertantly appropriate in this, that i will let it stay).

it certainly made me realise my soul dont want all that. i have noticed in my life, there are no women. i have been puzzled a bit by that… i mean i get along very easily with women, but never brought them into my life.

apart from my mother of course haha.

 now i wonder if my soul dont want it and make me not make friends with women, and so don’t get involved in all that.

added. 6.9.14 the ES magazine given free every friday with the evening standard have this article about sperm donation. it says british guys are paid only £35 for each donation. too little i think that may explain why there are so few male donors in uk and not the reason they gave, that it is because of the stigma. no male i know of would be offended at being called, ‘you are a wanker and being paid for it’. i think all the men would just laugh at it. haha.

what is more interesting is another article there following the main one, called make mine a danish, and it listed all the countries where u can buy sperm. Denmark is the best. copenhagen’s storkKlinik, and the men get £50 per donation. usa manhattan cryobank, newyork. as high as £60 per sperm donation . spain, the centre for assisted reproduction, marbella; £40. uk national sperm bank, birmingham; £35. not surprising it is the only one having a shortage of donors. haha


3 Responses to “other people’s lives”

  1. Carl D'Agostino Tuesday September 2, 2014 at 3:01 am #

    I paid 40% my income child support for 12 years. It was spent on cocaine and booze and I got custody of son and daughter in their early teens. They are early 30ish now and still trying to collect child support owed to me. She is old and broke now and I don’t need the money but have reactivated collection effort of the state. I don’t care if I get $10 a week from garnishment-I’m not letting go of this.

  2. alifesgayventure Tuesday September 2, 2014 at 10:59 am #

    hi carl, sounds like u had a terrible time. 12yrs of it!!thank goodness it is over. i fear for my friend, he may have to keep paying and what’s more at increasing amounts for another 11yrs more. i wonder when the payments end, when the child hits 14? or 16?

    • Carl D'Agostino Monday September 22, 2014 at 11:23 am #

      In US age 18 but individual cases may include stipulations for college and med coverage beyond 18. There seems to be some success in nullifying those provisions after 18. Paying child support is an obligation that should be faced responsibly but despite the diminished income I found it worth getting free of living in daily misery with monstrous spouse. One very unfair matter is that the amount cannot be deducted to reduce income tax liability and spouse does not have to claim it as income which would increase her income tax liability.

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