conversations at a dinner party

12 Nov


its been quite a time since i went to a dinner party. this one has 5people, including the host in his flat. it was a chance to see where he lives.

it is on the 5th floor and there are no lifts.

he has kept it very tidy with very little clutter. it has wooden floors which makes me think that his downstairs neighbours will have heat disappearing into this flat. and maybe can hear his footsteps.

when i mentioned how clean is his flat he said he had been trying to declutter which he said is quite difficult for him as he is a hoarder. from what i see of his flat he has succeeded.

it is a 2bed flat, but quite tiny, the open plan lounge is t-shaped, imagine the T laid on it side, the cross bar is his lounge which he has used as a dining area with a large table and chairs for 6people. the front door is at the bottom part of the T. you step into the space and the kitchen is on your left. he bought it a year ago for £250,000. and even then he said he had to spend another £16,000 to repair the roof and one corner of the wall which had been attacked with  damp in one of the bedrooms. and also raise the ceiling of the lounge, w

i am not sure it was such a good bargain. i would bargain the price down even further considering there is damp on the walls. still, there you are. haha.

conversation round the table ranged all over the topics, but it just makes me come to realise it is of no consequence. i mean not a lot we can do about it is there? i used to like making these kinds of conversations, when i was younger, during my university days. and throughout the night at a mamak stall in malaysia. talking cock we call it. haha. 

Though some of our talk last night was quite heavy … one of us said he had known he was gay since he was 12, and had been involved with an adult then for 2yrs. he said he dont think of himself as a victim, just as he did not consider himself to be a victim when he was mugged in old compton st, many years ago. long ago when it was just getting known as a gay street.

he said he was out with a gay professional group, and was all dressed up to the nines, with evening dress, and this beggar asked him for money and then mugged him.stole £100 and, he only realised it later when he went to hospital the next day, broke his leg too.

but he said the people he was with earlier in the evening did not help him at all even though he asked them to and even call out to one of them by name.

ya , it was rather heavy for a dinner party. but we tried to speculate as to why his fellow gays did not help him. we all talk of the gay community don’t we? but from what happened with him it does not exist really.

 He said this incident make him realise not to rely on others but on himself. the gay community is not so strong as we would like to think. i said it is self preservation of those there. they have seen one of their gay friends being totally  wiped out by a stranger in the street of this gay area. they are afraid. they might not want to be the next person capped that way.

 in the end it is just fear. and he himself said he dont blame them. though he now relies on himself rather than expect anything from anybody.

later, he said when he went back, and the next day he was so bad, he called his downstairs neighbour, and said he was in a bad way. she did not offer to help, even though she had a lama staying with her and they were chanting for the good of the world, while he was upstairs physically hurt and they did not offer help. the question arises why they did not help? instead they were busy chanting for the good of human kind. ironic when there he was upstairs from them and in immediate need of their help. 

he said at that time he remembered he even felt bad about making a noise and asking them as he did not want to disturb them. so that might explain why they did not help him. he did not ask for it and they did not know.

 why he did not make his wishes plain, he himself could not say, all he said was at that time he felt strongly not to disturb them in their chanting.  so i guess we cannot really blame the neighbour. they might not be aware of how badly he was.

even he did not know how badly he was injured.  all in all, the assault has really disturbed his judgement, i think, because that night instead of getting himself to a hospital, there were some cab drivers and he ask to be driven home instead of to the hospital. even then he said some of them did not want to take him because he had no money.

he said his leg hurt but he never thought he had broken a leg. it was only at the hospital after they xrayed his leg that they told him of it. a hairline fracture can produce pain with no sign of displacement so it can be missed without xray evidence. but he said he dont consider himself  a victim.

i agree with him about that, i too would not look at it as a victim if it happened to me. but then i wont be walkng about in evening clothes and looking like i got money; and to give the wrong impression  to make a beggar jealous of me for not giving him money when i obviously look like i am rolling in it.

that was a heavy trip there. but we went on to more frivolous talk as such a heavy mood we dont want to sustain for long.

the difference in this talk from the ones i had with my ‘kakis’ ( a malaysian term we use for long time friends that we hang around with a lot) in the mamak stall so long ago in malaysia is that we were so young then we dont have any first hand experience of the world. our talk was all theoretical. as you can imagine a lot of it is of the kind where we always say ‘i dont understand why’…

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