a friend have relationship problems

11 Sep

london 7.11pm clear 20.2C friday

it’s the start of the weekend in london now. in the past i would be planning getting together with friends and going out for the weekend. but that is all in the past now.

i was reminded of this because yesterday i had a call from an old friend(in both years and long time we know each other), a blast from the past as it were. he was one of the guys we used to kaki together in the old days.

i had not heard from him for a long time.

some time ago i sent him an email telling him of my change of mobile number but heard nothing from him, and i thought i had offended him in some way, maybe for not listening to him talking about his boyfriend who died quite some time ago and who he is still pining for.

i had lost touch with all of my old kakis (a malaysian term, meaning legs, to denote close friends that you hang out with often) actually, perhaps my fault because i am too lazy to go out with them, nor write to them via email even. never mind calling them on the phone.

during my chat with this friend, i found out he did not like going online to read his emails , he does not like getting onto his computer. he tells me he gets on once a month, if that. what a strange thing. nowadays it is rare surely for anyone not to communicate with emails, or surf the internet. but maybe it is just me. i forgot he is quite older than us…. though i know of another friend who is just as old if not older and he is online. so i think it is just him. but it does mean he has cut off a way of chatting and keeping in touch.

i know another friend who tells me no one seem to like chatting on the phone. he calls me to chat and says he much prefers chatting on the phone rather than online. i got lots of time so i dont mind him chatting, but i can see i would dislike it if i have to rely on the phone for mybusiness, like another mutual friend of ours who he has complained discourages him to call… because he does not want the phone busy if a potential customer calls.  

in the past i had a call plan with talktalk my telephone provider that allows me free calls in the evenings and weekends, (there was a time when i had free local calls 24hrs too.) but i never make much use of it. i am not really a one for making long chats over the phone. it is very time consuming.

but i think my friend who called me now may want to chat. and after what he said, i can understand why. he just want to chat… he tells me he had begun a new relationship with someone younger than him, and it has been 14months, but recently the guy left because the relationship ended. and what is more, because he thinks his lodger has been having sex with his boyfriend, he asked all the lodgers to leave and so now he is without a boyfriend and without the income from the two rooms he lets out.

i know it is a mess… he over reacted in asking the lodgers to leave. after all, if the boyfriend is playing with the lodgers, it is the boyfriends fault too. the best thing is to just allow an open relationship and not be jealous of it. that is how i would handle it. but then i dont mind an open relationship.

so now he is all alone again and no income as well.

these relationship problems are quite common and are the main reasons why people feel miserable. at least that is what i think is the reason. but people can get depressed for no reason at all.

but as for  his situation there is no solution and so it is hard to make him happy again. how to give him support? i think it is impossible. this is something he has to deal with.

i think it is a form of grieving, and just as it is impossible for another person to take away the grieve from the death of a loved one, it is impossible to do so in this situation, a lost love is like a death. 

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7 Responses to “a friend have relationship problems”

  1. Kevin Loewe Saturday September 12, 2015 at 8:47 am #

    Looooong article haha.
    I don’t like long chats via phones too, except when I was in a bad mood.
    I chat with my friends online mostly. I kept my phone connected to all my online services like emails, whatsapp, viber so I can get messages ASAP. There is a very popular chatting app called “WeChat” here in China and I keep it online 24 hrs too. I am a geek huh?
    BTW, I am sorry for you friends loss.

    • alifesgayventure Saturday September 12, 2015 at 9:25 am #

      i would be the same as u if i have a smartphone. i would use whatsapp too, and wechat if i were in china, makes texting free to use(or just £1 for a year for whatsapp after the first year).its a pity they cannot be used with a chrome book or laptop. my friends use skype, but i cannot get it to work in chromebook. at one time, chrome wont allow skype, but i think they do now but i dont know how to get it. but i can understand why it is better to ‘chat’ online as text messages etc, rather than voice. it is like email, you dont have to answer straight away if u dont want to.

      • Kevin Loewe Saturday September 12, 2015 at 9:42 am #

        There is a web version of Skype, you need to login to your Outlook email account and TATA! you can see the skype on the right side of the page.

      • alifesgayventure Saturday September 12, 2015 at 4:28 pm #

        yes, i noticed that skype logo in my hotmail page, but it is not like before where it is easy to access; or rather, the page automatically get skype for me and all i have to do is switch it on or off. they changed the whole look of the page to this modern one, and i dont know how to access skype now. it asks me to log on, but there is no box where i can type in my name and password.

  2. Garfield Hug Saturday September 12, 2015 at 3:36 pm #

    Sorry to hear of your friend’s loss. Regardless of any form of relationship, dealing with loss or breakups are tough. I know as when my boyfriend and I broke up, the things he used to do for me reminds me of him. Even if a long time friend of same or opposite sex…any quarrel or argument or loss is hard. Time heals I guess. We are all humans and so we hurt.

    • alifesgayventure Saturday September 12, 2015 at 4:25 pm #

      i too think time heals, but unfortunately for my friend he never got over the death of his long time boyfriend. he forgot all the bad times and only remembered the good times of that relationship and could not let go. time did not heal for him. and now he lost another relationship but not to death but to a breakup.

      • Garfield Hug Saturday September 12, 2015 at 4:33 pm #

        Your friend must let go. Else it does not help. Sigh….for me I remember the good, the bad and the ugly.

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