8 Nov

london 3.34pm 15C cloudy sunday 2020

sad news, i got an email from someone i did not know who had entered my friends email account to let us, his friends,know that he had died. a heart attack in september, but this friend only heard of it in oct and today got to write to me to inform me of it. i was shocked to hear it, as it is so unexpected, especially since i thought the email was from john, and written by him. john lived in bournemouth for many years.

but it does brings to mind my fears about us gay guys living alone , when we die, who is able to let our friends know we had died? as it is , this friend knows his password and is able to access his email account and address book . otherwise we would all never know and left to wonder what happened when we did not get any reply to our emails to him. as it is , his funeral was on end of sept. i know he has a crony of 4 old friends, who he says has made a pact to look after each other, but they are getting old too, one of them have dementia, and another has cancer. 

my friend john, and i go back many years. and he does not know my other friends, so i cant even tell them about his death, as they wont know who he is.

so both my good friends, have died. the other went to live in mae sot, thailand, and we knew of his death (this was quite a long time ago) only because the local news wrote of it, and this was picked up by a friend who lives there, and that is how we know he had died. otherwise we too would be left in the dark about him, and will be wondering what happened when we heard nothing from him for ages. but such is what happens when you are gay and have no children. it is something that we gay people have to reconcile ourselves to.

maybe that is why many want to have children so that they can leave behind descendants and be remembered.

what i shall miss with him gone is that a person who knows me when i was younger and someone who has spent good times with me in our younger days is gone and there is no one now who remembers us when in those days. 

7 Responses to “mortality”

  1. Garfield Hug Monday November 9, 2020 at 11:14 am #

    I am sorry for your loss. Today’s world there’s a lot of singles without relatives. I am one who has no relatives in Singapore and my biggest fear is lying rotting in my unit. Once my parents leave me, I am very much alone too. Friends can only check in once in a while as they have own lives. I know the feeling and fear it too. Not about death but rotting somewhere.

    • alifesgayventure Monday November 9, 2020 at 11:24 am #

      i would be more worried about dying alone, without anyone to summon help. but then, i think in the end we all die alone anyway. perhaps dying quick is a good death. all these morbid thoughts. haha. but i am at the age when i have friends my age who are dying. and i read of public figures like film stars, etc who are my age dying so i think i am constantly reminded of my mortality.

      • Garfield Hug Monday November 9, 2020 at 12:29 pm #

        We all should. Thanks for sharing.

  2. alifesgayventure Monday November 9, 2020 at 12:00 pm #

    another friend who i told about john’s death told me he had found out what happened. it seems it was a routine heart artery stent that john was investigated for . i too had that investigation a year ago when i had a mild case of heart attack. i just felt a constriction in my chest that lasted a few hours. before it lasts only a few minutes. that was what prompted me that time to go see the doctor about it, and straightaway he called an emergency taxi to get me to the A&E.
    when i was told about the investigation of my heart artery, the doctor did tell me there is a risk of death if they have to put in a stent. during this investigation, if they found blockage of more than 70% they will put in a stent at the same operation. john did not survive that.
    in my case, they found blockage was 50% and decided not to put in a stent. thank goodness for that.

  3. Sarah M Tuesday December 1, 2020 at 8:49 am #

    I’m sorry for your loss; I remember you referring to your ‘friend in Bournemouth’ many times in your blog.
    When I’m feeling low I often worry about dropping dead on my own at home and speculate how long it would be before anyone noticed I wasn’t around.

  4. alifesgayventure Tuesday December 1, 2020 at 9:39 am #

    death of a friend reminds me of my mortality, but maybe it should also make me glad to be alive and well. and i hope it is so for all of us who are alive now. be happy to be alive now. that is enough surely, right? but many want more …


  1. how is the world? | alifesgayventure - Monday November 9, 2020

    […] 2.47pm 17C cloudy monday 9nov2020. my good friend died recently, in sept, though it was only yesterday that i came to know of it, and it seems he died […]

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