their souls want it

London
I have finished the heretics, by will storr some time ago, but delayed returning it to the library. It is not due also but also I thought I might write a review and need it for quotes. 

But every time I start I find it might be better for you to just read it. Haha.

As the book said, we all have our viewpoint which we have long ago decided is the story we are happy with. So reading the book will only reinforce your viewpoint, as anything that it said that do not coincide with that viewpoint , you wont notice.

That is it, really.

What I would like to know and it is something that the book does not address,  is how come some of us change our viewpoint , in fact sometimes drastically.

Like for eg, some one who turns gay when the children have grown up and get divorced and become gay.

Now they would have been living a straight story all these years, so if we only look at things to confirm our story, why then did this guy, (and it is usually a guy), become gay when he gets old.

Some say he is always gay but repressed it. He has a straight story imposed on him by society, it is what he had been told and so believed it. Until one day he does not …

I always say his soul decided to change the story. And his soul is the one who started the straight story too.

But it does not explain anything, by saying his soul wants it.

Maybe we humans love to have a reason for things … and my saying ‘his soul wants it’ may irritate a lot of people who wants more substantial  reasons in their life.

By saying ‘my soul wants it’, or ‘their soul wants it’ may be like others who are religious saying God wants it, or Allah wishes it. though by saying my soul wants it, i also imply that i have a say in it, and can influence my soul to move in a direction i wish.

I know it is complicated. is the soul deciding things on its own with no reference to what I want? when i say ‘I’ i mean the ego, (i suppose the soul would be the ‘id’).

You can see there are holes in my belief. haha.

how far can my ego determine what my soul wants? if it can influence it 100% then my soul follows my ego, but we can see in our life, what we (the ego ) wants do not happen always. So it seems the soul has some say but how we reacte to the things it brings into our lives, is something we can control. it seems like the soul bring to us things or events ( like a dog bringing us things in its roaming) and let us decide to take it up or not. 

I am thinking of the time when i find things. i figured it is like the soul brings it forth. Sometimes it is not obvious that i might need them.  but i pick it up anyway. only later, sometimes months, years later, i find they are useful. or my friends find it useful and i can give it to them.

Also there are times when my soul does some things in my life. like make things go missing, or make the washing machine stop working.

i could chose to get upset and call in the repair man, or hunt high and low and turn the house upside down looking for the missing thing. but i figured the soul is acting up so i just stop looking for that thing, or switch the washing machine off and just do other things.

and i find that things revert to normal. the missing item turned up , the washing machine starts and works again. usually i say to myself. now what fuck is all that about? and i mentally say to my soul stop this nonsense will you. i wont have it!! i dont mind scolding my soul when it does that. trying to make my life difficult is what it is doing, and i mentally give it a slap or two. 

I know it sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? but some people’s souls do want to make their lives difficult. and i will scold my soul if it does that to me. i have no wish to make my life difficult. 

I hope u dont think i am losing my marbles. haha. but when they raise the gas and electricity tariff, in 2008, i decided i am not going to make my life difficult, i shall cut out all that nonsense about gas prices rising. i simply switch off my gas supply and stop using the boiler to boil water, but use the kettle instead. by only using electricity for all my power usage, i dont have to pay the gas bill. it so happened that british gas stop the standing charge. u only pay if u use it.

so at a stroke i dont have a gas bill.

Then there was the time when they raised the price of fresh milk.

i decided i wont bother with buying it. it goes off and so u have to finish it or else u throw it away because it goes rancid.

It is ridiculous really.

so i decided to buy milk powder instead and it lasts me months. it is the same with cereals , and needing fresh milk for it. i decided it is a waste, much of it is full of suger , and so decided to just buy oats. no suger there. and put sultanas in it, or fresh fruits if i got it. well problem solved. haha. the porridge makes me regular, no constipation, and that is wonderful.

At the same time they increased the price of suger. well i decided that i shall not use it any more. same with salt. so that means two items less to buy. and tea, i decided i shall use tea leaves, they last so much longer, as they can be refilled. tea bags just are not strong enough for reuse and does not taste nice and it has an awful colour. so at a few strokes like this i simply got rid of things making my life difficult. 

its the same with the car. i decided it was a ridiculous waste of money, and so when the engine blew, it seems it ran out of water in the radiator, i got rid of it. and that made my life a whole lot less difficult. it made me wonder why i wanted to make my life difficult in the first place by buying that car.  i guess it is something we want to experience just so we can get rid of it, and be able to say i experienced it and so no need to experience it anymore. i have a feeling there are lots of things in this life we want to know, just so we can be satisfied it is no great thing after all, and let it go. 

People may think if we don’t have reason we are nothing better than animals. Man is much more than animals, that would be their story, their belief. 

You can see it is a complex issue and maybe there is no explanation to why some people believe this thing, and others that, and so on.

I feel my saying’ their souls wants it’ is good enough reason for me.

Update, 6.30pm

Something happened after i wrote the above, and u tell me if my soul have anything to do with it. 

I mentioned the washing machine in the post earlier, and that brought to mind to clear the outlet pipe of any debris or washing powder. In the past I have found it can completely block it.

Well, I unscrewed the special valve- like connection that connects the outlet waste pipe from the washing machine to the pipe that leads from the kitchen sink to the main rising mainswaste pipe running down the length of the flats to the ground below.

After cleaning the special valve , (there was not much debris or blockage,) I was screwing it back and it slipped and fell through the hole in the cupboard and into the space where that big waste pipe runs to the ground.

When I felt with my hands the vast space under there and into which my valve has fallen I thought well that is that. I have lost it now, it must be lying way down there, maybe even as far as the ground.

I had visions of me trying to find a replacement in the bathroom shop, and trying to tell them what I need. Not a nice prospect.

But for a wonder, I saw a pale white thing lying a distance down across the chasm and on a ledge. And it was my valve.

Thank goodness my soul don’t want me to have a difficult life. I retrieved it carefully and rescrewed it back and now all is shipshape.

It got me to thinking it could easily have gone the other way, the valve fallen through to the ground and me having a difficult time trying to get a replacement and my washing machine out of commission till then.

Finding it on the ledge saved me a lot of bother. Well, I thank my soul for saving me from it.