Tag Archives: friends

just pondering on friendship

16 Jan

london 3pm 9C slight rain, wednesday 2019

i had a phone call on my landline this morning, and because talktalk, my telephone provider had put in place a new system to ask callers to identify themselves first, to let me decide to accept the call or not, i had to either press 1 to accept the call, 2, to accept the call for this time only, or 3 block it entirely. or i can ignore it by putting down the phone. i heard the caller identify himself, but i could not recognise the name and i thought it might be the person from a financial services firm that have been calling me before, so i decided to put down the phone. and ever since then i have been a bit worried that i had missed an important call. haha. simon was expecting some response from his passport application, and i thought maybe it might be from the passport people.

so i spent the whole morning being very unsettled so much so that i did not feel like going to east ham, in east london to the fresh market there to buy vegetables. esp chillis, garlic, ginger, and i am running out of those too. 

but luckily around now, simon told me he got word from the passport people that they will cancel the passport they said they sent but which we never received and to issue him with another one, and this time for him to collect it at the passport office in victoria instead of them sending it to our flat.

so i am glad that is sorted out and the phone call was not important after all. but it made me wonder if all this new security features on our phone, whose purpose is to stop cold callers, is not stopping us from being contacted by friends, and making us more isolated than ever. some friends might even be put off by having to identify themselves first before they are connected and might not call anymore.

i am hoping that they will still email me, something that i prefer actually. and i think that is what my friends would do with me anyway, as i am never a fan of phone calling. it is because it costs money to call people, or text them… but it cannot be the only reason because there was a time when i got a package on my landline where i get free calls and free texts and i still did not bother to call people to chat.

i notice i have gradually lost touch with friends. i think it is because i am a bit of a hermit, i have always been self sufficient and not like being sociable and it seems to have become worst as i get older. and i follow solitary pursuits, so dont really rely on another person. in the past i at least have some friends to go holidaying with, but i have not felt the urge to travel anymore , so all those friends have fallen by the wayside.

travelling is a very good hobby … new sights and sounds, keeps you interested and delighted. but i think to be practical, when you get old, there are lots of things that will negate travelling. health concerns, travel insurance (it gets more expensive and sometimes may not even be able to buy any), vaccinations, (recently a prominent scientist died from a yellow fever vaccination that is risky if you are over 60yrs old.) and you might lose the ability to withstand the rigours of travel.

you might consider travel if u just like to go on a cruise, or live in a warm climate, now that would be doable. most of us would consider it a reasonable travel wishlist, to just go to live in spain, or spend time there and just do whatever they would do if they were in uk, but instead of in the cold, they will be in the warmth of spain. but they might be living all by themselves there , so being alone might still apply even if they are in spain. with the language barrier, they might find it less easy to find friendship with the locals and have to rely on fellow expats and it will be very lucky to find fellow expats that you like. in a way, cruises are the most likely places to find company and friendships, or at least find people to do things with. no wonder so many old people go on cruises.

added 10.40pm. i read a blog where someone said a friend just used them to gain business contacts and i was thinking maybe friendship is overrated. maybe practically all friendships depands on what advantages each can get out of the other. be it material, or emotional advantages. and maybe that is how friendship works. after all i remember a friend saying he has friends that he can rely on in his time of need, or to get support from, and who he would do the same if they need it. whereas for me, i dont see my friends like that. i fervently hope that i never have to depand on them. and at the same time, i hope they never have to depand on me. why cant our friendship be based on mutual liking each other’s company and companionship? i believe it can be done but maybe mine is a minority opinion, and that is why i dont have many friends. haha. 


meet friends

9 Nov

london 9.15pm 11.8C night it rained slightly just now. thursday 2017

i was hanging around the w h smith store inside victoria railway station, and looking at the magazines when a man  standing next to me said something. i ignored him and then he said dont you remember me? and mentioned the ex east west club , saying we met there. and that was when i realised who he was… i am rather glad he was not offended as i did not recognise him at all. i apologised and said i did not recognise him because he looked so different. he was wearing a fake fur hat, looked like one of those russian style hats , and he was wearing a overcoat. anyway. we chatted and he said he was waiting for a friend. who was very different from him. the friend was chinese too,

oh did i mention this guy who i did not recognise, is chinese. he lives in a house in stratford. during our chat he mentioned his house has a large garden full of fruit trees, and even grapes which his civil partner makes wine out of. its the first time i meet someone i know whilst walking about in london. so different from bangkok, where u can meet guys you know. like the time i was wandering around silom, and who do i meet but a friend from london. haha.

this is the first time , for quite a while, that i meet a friend accidentally like this in london. and not in soho. the last time this happened was in soho, and that was like ages ago and during  gay pride, which does not count really, because it stands to reason we will meet other gay friends then. this friend said he will be going to morrocco with his civil partner for 2wks, and then afterwards they will go to thailand, pattaya, for 2months. they have been going there during the  winter months for a long time now, he said. 

when the friend came we went to cardinal place where they ate lunch at eat, a cafe there. i was not tempted to eat anything as it was just ordinary stuff. i said to them, if i were in malaysia or in thailand i will not be able to resist buying the local hawker foods, and will surely get fat… but here, i am not tempted with these, and so dont have to worry about getting fat here.

he said they go there often whenever they meet up, and he always orders what the other friend orders, which is a cold salad. i mentioned how come u dont get the hot noodle soup. because when i heard that what he was eating was cold, i did say hot would be nicer. and he agreed. and he turned round to look at the menu board above the counter and saw the noodle soup i was talking about, and said he never noticed that before. if he had known he would have ordered that.

it is interesting that these two chinese guys will want to order these foods in this kind of place. to me the food looks easy to make myself so not the kind of foods i want to pay for. later we went to the victoria place macdonalds sitting area and sat there and chat somemore… this is because the eat cafe began to fill up with the lunch time crowd and we were taking up table space and dont want to hog the space.

so this is what it islike to meet up with friends. hmm, i often think i would like that, but now that i have done it, i think the idea is better than the reality. i can see that there may not be much to talk about if we were to do this often… this first time, is great, as i dont know anything about them, so all that they say is new to me. but i can see it will be rather difficult to find new things to talk about if we do it often. 



out and about

6 Jul

london 8.39pm 25.7C sunny (high was 29.5C at 3.45pm thursday 2017

i have been out and about a lot today. very early on at about 7am i went to the chikn new branch near baker st to see if i am among the first 50 customers to get a free chicken meal once a week for a year. it is a promotion of theirs to celebrate their opening this branch. but when i arrived there , a long queue allready formed, and when i asked the last person whether we can still make it, he said no, they have been told the 50 people are allready taken. later as i was leaving i went passed the head of the queue and asked one of them how long they have waited. she said since 6am.

i ask him why is he still waiting for, and we saw staff handing out free coffee, so i said oh all right i shall wait a bit if i can get a free coffee. haha. but he said they might give out gold cards to the rest if there is a big media response to their opening. i did not want to wait for that, so after i drank my coffee and have a chat with the guy, i left and went home. but not before the staff gave me a flyer for half price chicken during their soft launch 6th-12th july and it can be used multiple times.

(he is from colombia and works for a french bank, clearing their cheques. he works for himself and subcontracts the work at the bank. he lives in islington and tells me there he can get a chicken sandwich for about £4 when i told him it is likely the chikn shop will charge about £6. i ask him why he eats out for lunch, because he told me that is what he and his work colleagues do, i said he could make his own lunch, but he said he gets bored eating sandwiches he makes. haha. so that is why these office workers dont bother to make their own lunch but prefer to spend money buying it. i think it is silly, because you can make lots of diffrent things not just sandwiches, but even sandwiches can be made wiht lots of different ingredients of leftover dinners the night before. and it all costs pennies. imagine, every day spending about £5 for lunch, £25 a week, £100 or so a month. all for not making your own lunch which wont be so full of salt also. it would seem people are not interested in saving £1200 a year. or they might think life is short, why waste it taking care of the pennies, might as well spend the £s and live it up; for tomorrow they might die. i wonder if they might be right. why bother to eat healthy, and deprive yourself of the pleasure of eating lots of fat and salt and suger. and eat and drink as much as u like, for tomorrow you might die. as a philosophy i suppose it has its logic of sorts.

anyway, the next time i went out was to brixton, to buy ginger. it was not a lot of ginger , this time … wonder why there is no glut of ginger, seeing it is the summer. but there you are, 50p did not get me much ginger, but it should last about 3wks i think. i am glad i dont have to buy chili, as i got so much allready. so back i went home. 

then the final time i left home was to visit my friend, my long lost friend who i have not seen for 10yrs. i had arranged to go to his flat at 2pm. i have forgotten how his flat entrance looks like, so it was with a certain interest that i saw it again. it is a basement flat in W1. that is really central,  the inside has not changed, looks exactly as i remember it, very cluttered because he collects lots of what he calls antiques, which i call clutter, but he makes a bit of income from selling them at car boot sales etc. lots of teacups and teapots, and porcelain figurines. he had another friend come round and we have a bit of fun.

his thai husband who is younger than him,( i did not ask how much younger haha). is working in a thai restaurant, today, so was not around. i have not met the thai boy so it would be nice to meet him . he is off work on tuesdays. they had been married 2yrs, and it seems he had to pay something like £12000 to get him over and pay his health insurance and visas and stuff for the 2 yrs visa period and it is not over yet, he has to pay some more for the next 2 yrs… and then again for the extension of another 2yrs.

but luckily the boy can work. i thought he is not allowed to work if he is here on a spouse visa. but apparently he can work. which is just as well, as it would be really boring if the boy cannot earn money while here. anyway my friend likes the naked lifestyle too, so that is nice to befriend someone with similar interests to me.

 oh yes, the postman came today and we got the new tv remote that simon ordered. they are really quick with sending the order, and it works but simon put it behind the tv and not bother to use it. we got the old one . i had thought he and i could have our own tv remote to keep at our side and not have to pass it around… 

waiting for a friend to visit me.

20 Oct

london 3pm 14C cloudy thursday 2016

i went to asda this morning, wanting to buy pork, they are selling shoulder pork for £2.50/kg. i bought a 2.5kg joint for £6.16. i have divided it into 4 portions and they are in my freezer now for eating over the next month or so.  whilst there i had a look at their reduced shelves, and saw whole 1.5kg chicken selling for £2. that is even cheaper than the one i bought a few days ago for £3. hmm, next time i want chicken i shall go to asda first. i bought another chicken, and will be roasting it. i am wondering whether i should make a curry out of it. but it seems a shame to cut it up. whole chicken are just perfect for roasting.

now i am waiting at home, for ian, to visit me. i want to have a nap , but dare not sleep in case i could not hear him ring my bell. ah well, now u know why i am such a recluse. with no one to visit me or me visit them. i can do what i like, sleep when i like, or not , go out when i like, and not have to hang around to keep an appointment. but people say it is good to have friends, and to keep in touch with them, much as it can be inconvenient.  friends can be a mixed blessing. some people have to have others around them, they dont like to be on their own. they dont like their own company. for those people friends are crucial. they are necessary. but i think i am someone who dont mind being on my own. i enjoy it. 


friends…the tv series, no comeback

25 Jan

london 4.32pm 13.9C monday 2016 cloudy

saw this article in the dailymail about the picture showing the cast of friends and the big bang theory at a gala dinner held as a tribute to the director james burrows. it was reporting on the event and showing the photo where both the cast of those two shows were posing together. only matthew perry was not there. he is in london for his play. here is a link that is better for that event. it gives more info on the shows that james burrows has directed.

they will come together along with many of the original casts of the other shows he directed to do a tribute tv show later it seems.

there was talk of the friends players coming together for a film remake of the friend sitcom.  but it wont happen i think. the main reason would be they are too old. even some of them said so. it just wont be the same. i agree with them, it would be painful to watch all these aged actors pretending to be young people leaving home, after college and living together in a big city to work. we, as well as them, have grown up and the coming young generations wont have the same nostalgia for that show.

so who are the target audience if there is a reunion?  i myself dont recall too much of the series. but then i m a foreigner  and in malaysia,we dont get these series as they come out. but come to think of it, i lived in london a long time, but i dont recall seeing this series when it was going on… i see it now and then on one of the free channels that show the repeats. i dont follow slavishly though. it seems this side of a common experience has passed me by. 

even now, i dont see many of the tv series which get awards and such that are showing in america… it takes some time for them to come to the british terrestial tv, if ever.

right now, if u were to ask me what tv series  is making waves in america, i wont be able to tell you. i can make a guess, it is some kind of crime series. isn’t it? haha.

the americans are rather good at situation comedy. i think. 

i personally dont think remakes with the original cast are very useful. it was painful to watch sex in the city2 . i saw it recently on tv and i could not continue, switched channels when they went to dubai or was it abu dhabi. it was just too much talk of babies, and marriage and couples… when the original tv series was about carefree and footloose young women living the single life in new york. and it was too obvious that the actresses were getting too old for the part.

james burrows seem to be a really good director, to be involved in so many popular tv series. i am surprised he did cheers. i have seen old re runs of that series. on and off… the ones with shelley long were much more funny i think.

  at first i thought james burrows had died. this kind of tribute  usually happen when someone died. but it seems it is to celebrate. it is to mark something. thank goodness it is not for a dead person. a nice change when recently we have too much news about old pop stars dying. 

The TV special marks a huge milestone for Burrows: he has directed 1,000 episodes of television with NBC’s new comedy “Crowded.”

needless to say we in uk have not seen this ‘crowded’ series. 



i dont know i like it until i got it

13 Mar

london friday 13, 2015

the reason for this title is my experience with talk talk. i have scorned it when they first offered a package of a youview box for £7.50 a month. i thought what is the use of it to me, i allready got a freeview box that enables me to see the tv programs free. what i did not realise was that the youview box allowed me to view in high definition.

and i only realised that HD is such a good thing  only because simon bought a HD tv screen one january on a sales. and so i have a tv that can take HD. so it looks like to take advantage of these technology u need to have certain things fall into place… broadband is not of use to you if u dont have a laptop. and then all those gadgets come into play as the facillities for them expand. and they are life enhancing so much so that now i cannot imagine a life without my chromebook and the internet and free wifi and unlimited broadband. and now i want HD tv hehehe. it really is a big difference watching a program, especially films and nature programs on high definition.simon tells me watching football on the big hd screen is much better, he said u can see every blade of grass…i have a feeling he wants that , that is why he bought the HD tv screen. 

now i got a mobile phone with a low tariff for calls and text i find i would love to chat with others. But i find i dont have many friends to email or text to let them know of my new mobile number.

i have made several attempts to send them an email about it, but keep stopping myself from telling them as i argued that if they really wanted to contact me they have my email and my landline, so the mobile number is not really that important.

the fact that none of them write to me or call me on my landline is due to me not keeping in touch. that is one of the things about being a recluse. u dont want to contact others, and so naturally they too stop contacting you. i believe in that saying, no news is good news, that is why i dont really want to hear from them, as to me that means bad news. i guess it is my upbringing, when i am growing up, we so seldom use the phone, so that anything comes over the phone is likely to be bad news… 

well after writing the above, i decided i will send them the email after all, telling them of my new mobile number, for their records if nothing else so they dont hang on to the old number.

after all just because people dont keep in touch does not mean anything these days. if u believe in the saying , no news is good news, than really not hearing from someone is a good thing. haha.

 my address book is full of their crossed out mobile numbers so that sometimes i get confused which is the currant one now. many of them are on facebook but i just cannot get excited about facebook and getting posts alerts from facebook about everyone’s doings. 

 but just as well i dont have any friends who like to talk on the phone. otherwise my £20 top up will soon be used up.

times like these when i do wish i have a group of people i can call up to chat. i actually do have two, so maybe i should call them more often and chat on my landline, seeing i get free calls on it. but the reality is it can get a bit boring chatting on the same things…

i have a feeling that when people always say they are lonely and want others to chat to,  they really mean they want people who just want to listen to them, and to agree with them. haha. that is why writing a blog is so great, u can say things, and there is no one to disagree with you. or if they do u can erase them. haha.

i noticed a new thing with wordpress when i opened this posting. the format has changed. the stuff  for eg categories , tags, etc  is shifted from the right column to the left now, and the heading is on top and separated by a lot of space from the actual space to write the post. not a good change, because the big space between the topic and the body of the post is quite a big space and u have to scroll a long way down to get to it. ah well, maybe they want to make the categories and tags etc more prominent so people will use them.

i am not going to make a fuss about it, haha. in the past i would lament at them, but nowadays i dont know if i would like it or not, these changes. my natural inclination , esp now i am getting older, is to dislike change,because i always suspect any changes, esp in health will be for the worst;  but i also realise that changes can be for the better too, like all these internet stuff has made me realise they can be better and not all changes are bad. 

just musing

26 Jun


its a lovely sunny day out there, and i am staying indoors. i suppose i should go out, and maybe i shall ,maybe bring a book out to the little community garden and just sit in the sun. I thought of going to the google store in tottenham court road. 

I wrote the above earlier today and cancelled it. or thought i did, but wordpress has saved it. i decided to leave it in to show that i thought of doing all those things, but did not do them in the end.

I stayed in instead. and had a nap. haha. Well, now it is 6pm, and i am awake and wondering if i should go to a gay walk in regents park organised at 6.30pm. it is rather late to start of course but i have allready decided not to go.

part of the reason is the hay fever. at the moment i dont have any but going outdoors late in the evening to a park full of grass will/might set it off and i dont fancy it.

I guess what it all boils down to is that  i dont feel that eager to go.

it is a chance to meet other gay guys but the days when i would go out of my way to meet other gay guys are long gone. in those days we think of making sexual contacts that is what drove us to go out … at least it was for me. but nowadays i am rather happy to potter around and just do things i like.

Most things i do is solitary as i dont really like company when i do them. for eg, i would go to swim at the local swimming centre on my own. many sociable people will try to go with someone else, but when you are swimming, you cannot really stick with someone, because either their swimming ability is different from yours so they move to a faster or slower lane, or they dont want to linger at the edge just to chat when they actually go there to swim and exercise.

So most people would, if they want to socialise ,meet up at the coffee shop attached . but i am not really that keen on chatting after the swim as i want to go to the library or supermarket and get on with things.

I know all this make me sound like a loner. and i recognise that. i like my own company and dont really like to stick with other people for fear of being on my own.

it is one of the things i have noticed of social people, they seem they are afraid to be alone, always wanting to be with other people, even if they dont like those people. i am glad i dont have a fear of being on my own.

There is a gay meetup group that meets in soho every wednesday. I attend now and then, but not often. Even though sometimes the thought does occur to me to go there just to make some conversation with other gay guys.

They meet after 7pm which is another reason for me not going as i tend to like going in the daytime. But really it is just me not wanting to go as i realise the actual interactions are quite disastisfying. it is not the same as meeting up with close friends. People in the group come and go and as is usual when strangers meet for the first time or only occasionally there is a holding back and not wanting to confide or say too much about oneself.

Also,  i like to do it spontaneously, like just go to a coffee shop and see what turns up. in the past i did that, because there are the first gay coffeeshop (called firstout, rather appropriately) in soho and so we know we can meet other gay people there and they will be willing to chat.

now of course there are so many coffeeshops and they are all gay friendly, so there is no one place that concentrates all the gay people. haha. Also, many people who are in coffeeshops are busy looking down on their laptops and smartphones so you dont get anyone just looking around and catching other people’s eye and getting into conversation.

There was an article about london or uk being the loneliest place in that we have the lowest number of people saying they have someone they can rely on if they are in trouble. i think that is true because here in london even though we have neighbours all around us, we seldom meet them or even know them. some dont even know their neighbours enough to ask them to hold goods for them by the postman or courier. I think it is we want it that way.

I myself will take goods to keep for my neighbour across the landing in the flat opposite to mine;  and i did not wait to be asked, as i figured it is no trouble at all but i have to admit i dont know my neighbours at all. haha.

The wife once said to me oh u dont recognise me but u know my husband. haha. i cant help but think it is very true. i dont remember women, but also her husband is the one looking after their son and so i tend to see him more around the place.

even now i dont know his son’s name though i can see how much he has grown, and how fast it seems. from being a toddler in the pram, to a kid running around now. they do grow very fast, children I mean, and must make anyone observing them feel literally getting older. haha. 

my life is rather nice and worry free and since i am very contented with my present situation, i feel happy. There is not a lot of drama in my life. thank goodness.

I get my joy from eating my own cooking. there is a nice chicken curry cookng on the stove now made from malaysian curry powder and solid coconut cream which is real easy to make but taste just great. I dont know why people dont use curry powder instead of the bottled curry paste that is only enough for one dish. curry powder contains enough for maybe 6 or more meals. you only need 2 or 3 heaped spoonfuls. i use a bit, not a lot, of cardamon and aniseed to give it extra flavour. if u cook it yourself you can determine how much salt to add. i dont add any as i figure the curry powder allready will have some added.

simon knows that i dont have much salt in my dishes though this time he is not around to eat it as he is away in essex in his mother’s house for a few days off from his shift work. \

i am very glad i dont need to work. ONe of the greatest joys of life is not having to work.

I just read that bridesmaid pay for their outfit out of their own pocket. I have always thought the bride (or her parents)pays for it. what a strange  custom. so all those people with 6 or how ever many bridesmaid surrounding them got all of them for free. i thought u only need one bridesmaid, like pippa middleton acting as bridesmaid to her sister kate, during that royal wedding; and she is there to make sure the train is properly positioned and carried and to make sure her sister is looking fine. one bridesmaid is all that is needed so those with plenty i thought would pay for them. but it seems not so. That blog advised women to say no to being a bridesmaid if they cannot afford it. Well, if it were me, i would certainly say no to being a bridesmaid if i have to pay for the outfit myself. Not need to have someone give me that advise; but then i am a sensible gay man.