Tag Archives: gay male

sex addiction used to be called having a strong sex drive

2 May


This article in queerty.com about the break up of the marriage between two guys in america. One is a host of some kind of reality tv show called my fair wedding, who is a sex addict, whilst the other is an alcoholic.

Frankly, I think sex addiction is an invented condition. It used to be known as having a high sex drive, and some people actually boasts about it in the past. casanova made his reputation from it.  Now it has been made into a disease.

If u want to be addicted I think being addicted to sex is one of the best. Esp if u are a gay man. Because there are lots of other gay men who are similar too and you can get sex without it being too expensive. Though this guy is rich enough to pay for it with prostitutes which is fine.

When u consider other addictions, like for eg, drugs, or food, or gambling, or whatever u can think, they all have dire consequences, sex addiction , if u have safer sex, don’t seem to have that much consequences.

Of course u will say, what about sexual infections? Like syphilis, true, but they are easily treated, so not many people remain infected nowadays to pass it on. And as for gonorrhear, any guy who gets it soon have it treated because the painful pissing will get him to a doctor very quickly. Haha.

And if u do safer sex, by which I mean fuck with condoms, the chances of getting hiv is also reduced. And that is it really. U can pretty well do a lot of other things sex wise and it will be safe.


I think the other guys alcoholic addiction is more serious, but it is not really a reason for the breakup of a relationship.
I think if both have been a bit more accepting of each others’ foibles it would be good.

Why they don’t see it that way, is a mystery to me. Both are like pots calling the kettle black. Haha.

Of course, it may be that after 10yrs they are both bored with each other. Haha. Now that is a good reason for breaking up. But only so they can live separately and see each other maybe every month or so. Haha. And have a bit of sabbathtical from each other.

That is why I am not a fan of gay marriages. U cannot just go off, and live somewhere else unlike if u have an ordinary boyfriend relationship. Now u have the law in the picture.
And it seems being married makes u feel u can interfere in the boyfriend’s life.

Oh, perhaps that is what it is all about, getting married is a license to interfere with each other’s life. Haha.


Added.20.7 13 saw an article today on a research saying sex addiction is not so. 

link here

‘Marked changes in brain activity are required to establish whether or not sex can be viewed as addictive in the same way that substances, such as heroin, are’.

it seems there is no change in the brain in those who say they are sex addicts when viewing sex images, unlike heroin addicts which show a change in brain activity when viewing heroin.

the kindness of gay strangers

31 Oct

I wonder why whenever a gay guy talks about his life, he always says it is difficult, and he suffers .

I did not find it difficult at all .

It is because I never knew I was gay till years later when I was in my 30s.

So I never attributed anything bad that happened to me was because I was gay. I just accepted that whatever happened was just ordinary, it is life happening.

So I had a v happy childhood.

And even when I found out I like men, finding them so much more attractive than women, and came out on the gay scene , it was in London which is really a very gay friendly city.

By then I was working and earning good money, so never did feel people were discriminating against me . I don’t have an axe to grind or imagining slights and insults where none exists nor none intended.

I noticed that if u are an obnoxious bastard, people will dislike u for that, never mind if u are gay, or straight , fat or thin, black or white or asian, male or female.

Also I think well of anyone and like to think good of them. So if they insult me, deliberately, I don’t notice it.haha.
I am blind to that kind of thing. So if they are sarcastic , their remarks go right over my head and I don’t notice it, taking what they say at their face value.
Maybe that is why I go through my life never thinking anyone is insulting me, haha.

I think it is a good attitude to take in life.

It makes u immune to any one .

Life is very nice for me, I have a happy childhood, and don’t have any problems with my parents, I never did go through a rebellious teenage stage.

My parents were wonderful parents they let me do what I like and never nag me. Either that or I never noticed it.haha.

I lived in a world of my own, within my mind, and never notice things around me. I think it is great. I never analyse things or people or their actions, I simply take them for what it is, and don’t look for underlying motives. I think well of people and I think because of that they can feel I don’t have any maliciousness to them and so they are kind to me.

At least that might explain why I have always have the most extraordinary kindness from total strangers.

And when I came out and explored the gay world, I have the most wonderful people older than me who had wanted to have sex with me, and given me such wonderful orgasms and pleasure. They make me feel so nice to be gay.

Looking back now, I feel I owe them a great sense of gratitude to go to all that trouble to give me pleasure. Granted of course they get pleasure from being with me, but I was so green and inexperienced, I doubt I could reciprocate the skill they have in being able to touch the G spot in me.

I was too inexperienced to give them the G spot pleasure that they were able to give me.

I remember a time when I was in san Francisco, I was leaving that city that day to go back to Los angeles , where I shall be flying back to uk.

I met this man who when he found that it was my last day there, and that I have not seen the golden gate bridge or the other side of the bay , insisted I stay with him. he said i must see the golden gate bridge before i leave the city. and took me on his car to ride across the golden gate bridge to a small town across the bay where we sat in a coffee shop and have a meal with this skyline of sf to enjoy.

To this day, I could not understand why he gave me this hospitality. He was so trusting that he left me in his flat all by myself whilst he went to work.

And he did not even insist on having sex with me. I was willing as I am on holiday and interested in having sex with the local guys. Haha.

He even introduced me to a enema, because I asked him how to make sure I have emptied myself down there. Just goes to show how naïve I was. I marvel at guys who can be so clean down there when they have anal sex.

And he even let me use his rubber enema, and even said I can have it to keep. I did not keep it, but wish I did. Haha.

It would have been most useful .

But now of course I have learnt from another shag who has introduced me to prostate orgasms about how to shit it all out. Haha.

Without a enema.

It has all been such a lovely gay journey, meeting so many fabulous guys to have sex with; at least two of whom have given me the most wonderful orgasms I have ever experienced. Once would have been great, but twice in a lifetime???

And I am not talking of ordinary great orgasms, but the kind of once in a lifetime explosions . And I got two of them to look back on.

All thanks to these two guys who are so attracted to me that they would go to that trouble.

One thing I can tell you about orgasms, it is impossible to remember them. I can remember how mind blowing they were, but ask to describe them, or relive them,… I cannot.

Like pain, pleasure do not stick in the memory.

Maybe just as well, haha. Otherwise if it were painful, we would be in torment, and if it were pleasure, we will get jaded and never learn to come to each pleasureable episode like new, as if it is the first time.

Now that is a bit of philosophising for you.

hunting gathering

30 Oct

(written last night 29oct.)
I have been foraging for food in the supermarket tonight. It was raining, and normally I would not bother to do it in this weather, but I have not been out all day and felt it would be nice to walk out for some fresh air and rain.

The first supermarket I went to did not have any bargains. Correction, there were reduced breads but not breads that I want, nor were they reduced to 10p which is what I am used to.

The next one did have reduced meats in the reduced shelf but the prices were still high. I wandered over to the meat shelf and saw one reduced pork shoulder 3.1kg from £10 to £5.19. That comes to £1.67 a kg. better than the cheapest pork in asda which was £2.50 a kg.

It was leaking so I got a plastic wrap and put it inside and took it to the self help payment till.

When I got it back home, I found it has a bone in it. Still good value. It goes to show we are so used to boneless shoulder, that I at least am surprised when I see a bone in it. Haha.

Now I come to think of it, the original price for this boned shoulder is rather high, £3.3 a kg.and this pork is supposed to be their basic range.

Simon came home and asked me what I would do with it. I said I might roast it. He said he liked the black soya pork that I cooked some time ago,(he said when he ate it he thought it was very mild curry beef; haha.which makes me believe that pork is such a mild meat it can be masked by the herbs, I put some paprika too, u put in and maybe that explains why it is the Chinese favourite meat.)

so I decided to cut the meat in half and cook one half as black soya pork, the other I thought at first I might roast it, but I think I shall just cut it up into smaller pieces and freeze them to use in stir fry or whatever in the future.

Pork is a very versatile meat and can be used in any number of dishes.

I am glad I can still get these reduced meats in my supermarkets.

U can really eat well if u follow this strategy of going late in the day to the supermarkets for the reduced foods.
I need to go tomorrow to Brixton to buy ginger. We have lots of garlic but I have run out of ginger and ginger is essential in that soya pork stew.

Added 30.10.12 last time i was in brixton, i got the ginger for 40p a pack if i buy  2packs from the usual price of £1.  this time i got it for 90p.

I like these foraging expeditions to the supermarket. It is like a hunter gathering or so I would like to believe.

(come to think of it, cruising for men for sex is a bit like hunter gathering too. Maybe that is why we gay men like to do it so much. It is not something that we associate with women. But maybe u know better, my knowledge of women is nil really.)

And my desire to look out for found objects in my wanderings around my area that I can pick up for free may be also a hunter gathering instinct, a throwback to our genetic makeup for survival.

What else is happening in my life.

Not a lot. Been going to the gym by taking the bus which stops right near my flat. sometimes I can strike lucky and the bus comes just when I arrive at the bus stop. It happened yesterday, both going and coming back from the gym; but other times it may take an age.

When I first joined this gym, I thought I shall have to cycle there, or walk there, but I got a free travel pass so I have more or less stopped using the bike now.

I still walk because I feel it is v important to get the exercise, rather than take the bus all the time. But I have to admit for longer distances I take the bus.

In the past, I used to walk to Chinatown in soho, or bike it and bike to Brixton , but now I go by bus to soho, or by tube to Brixton.

(written today 30oct)
Why am I telling u all this? Well, since I am not writing anything in my profile, it is a way for u to get an idea of who I am.

I am sure u have guessed I am a gay male by now. Haha.

I am not adverse to being frank about what I do, or think. And the reason why I hide my identity is to prevent my friends from finding me.

This is the opposite of what the majority of bloggers want to do. Haha.

I will make categorical statements about anything, so I am sure u will catch yourself ‘saying that is not so‘.

Sure and you will be right, because I can only see things from what I have experienced, and so make conclusions from there. But they are not universal truths, so just don’t get too upset or offended about some of my pronouncements.

I am pretty sure I shall change my opinion when I get to see things that contradict any statement I made. That is why when I read some , to my mind, silly statements in the press (for eg, this guy saying gays caused the hurricane sandy ), I just laugh. And I wish the article would also laugh at him.

Those people need to be laughed at.

It is a sign of our times that newspapers and the internet will quote these guys, when they are plainly nutters. But by writing about them, they get the publicity and than others get enraged, or confirmed in their own views, and so it goes on .

The merry go round.

People should learn to just discard things that they don’t agree with, whilst acknowledging that the other person can say such stupid things. It just shows up their ignorance and they should be ridiculed. Haha.

Nowadays it is not politically correct to ridicule someone for their views, but I think that is not justified.

just as u have the freedom to write and talk crap, we have the right to pour scorn on you for saying it. Haha.

And u might like to defend what u said with facts and figures to support your case, otherwise u will have to shut up and realise that u have made a fool of yourself.

But beware, what u think is crap may turn out to be quite profound truth, because u are too ignorant to see it. So it cuts both ways.

We should all say this to anyone who talks crap…

Stop talking crap.

But also we should be able to go back to that person later and say u r right, I am wrong. I doubt I shall need to go back to that eg I gave to say he is right.haha.

Feel free to write in to tell me I am talking crap. Haha;

My crap I hope do not offend anyone, but if it did, you have allowed yourself to get offended. Why should my opinion offend you unless u allow it?

I would even say if u are racist , homophobic, or whatever, u have the right to hold those views. As long as u don’t act on them, by killing others, I don’t see why u should not hold those views.

I would not like to befriend you, but hey, that is no loss to either of us. Haha.

Though if u are hot, I might just make u my sex buddy. A guys opinion should not impinge on you having sex with him. That is why sometimes it is better not to know what he thinks but just have great sex with him.haha.

In this age of instant communication, we will hear a lot of things that we wont like. People will criticise us for our looks, our lifestyles, our opinion, whatever.

It does not matter.

As long as we don’t meet, and they are not in a position to enact laws that discriminate against us, they should be allowed to say what they feel.

That is why the law must be neutral and not discriminate. I think a truly civilised society will ensure its minority are protected and allowed to have the same priviledges that are given to the majority.

But I know there is a minefield of exceptions and extremes that the minority can exploit . Humans being what they are, give them an inch and they will demand a yard.

It is one sure human trait that is common and widespread in every human being.

I think I shall post this now otherwise it will get so long it becomes boring, if it hasn’t already.haha.

just writing so early in the morning

28 Oct


It is 4am on a Sunday, when the clocks have changed back 1hr to GMT and summertime is gone. 

Luckily for me my time in this laptop automatically adjusts for it otherwise I would be wondering what the correct time would be. 

I changed my clocks earlier at around 11pm last night. In case I go to bed without changing them. 

Every year we have this rigmarole with the clocks , I suspect  it makes our dull lives interesting. Gives people something to talk about. 

Anyway, here I am so early in the morning writing my post. I am writing it on a words document and intend to copy and paste it to the website. 

I thought that this way I can select the text and the size. This one is calibri and size 14. We shall see if it takes , or I will find out without any room for doubt  that the website simply refuse to accept different texts and size. 

The good thing I find about using the doc is that it corrects the capital letters, automatically adding it for each sentence.  That is a good function because I am lazy to hit the shift key and never write in capital letters if I can help it. 

So my I always is a small letter I which can irritate people a lot, I noticed. Haha. 

Or my using u for you.  (interesting that this doc don’t automatically correct that. Wish it did. )

I woke up thinking about my quarrel with my friend  I visited recently. That was a disastrous outcome to my visit. I had not visited him for 3yrs. And the reason why I did not was because of that back problem of his which makes him lose interest , or rather could not have sex or do anything for that matter. 

And it made me think how fragile is friendship, which cannot survive a quarrel even though we have known each other for so long. 

I don’t even remember how long, it was that long ago. Haha. 

But I have the conviction that friendships last only as long as both parties see benefit from it. And if it goes, than that is only a consequence of each person changing and having other interests or even realising that the other person has changed. 

Who ever have changed, it just means they do not see any more advantage to the friendship and so it ends.

I shall most probably let this one die a neglected death, gradually reducing my contact with him . 

I must remember not to visit him again. I have already bought the tickets to visit him next month, but I shall think of an excuse to cancel that visit.  Maybe I shall say it is getting cold and so not a good time to visit. Not sure if that is a good excuse but it might as he is like me in using as little electricity or gas as possible and so my not going means he don’t have to switch on the heating.  However , he has logs for his fire, that he can use, but then he can save them for the real winter in January . 

He is more extreme than me in saving water. He is on a meter, whilst I am not, as my flat shares a communal water tank in the block and so we cannot have our flats metered. 

I can use as much water as I like, being on a flat rate. 

Not that I use that much as I have long ago stopped using the bath preferring to shower, and even then not at home but in the gym or swimming pool centre. 

I am all for saving water, electricity or gas. I think most people use too much of it. Putting on the heating unnecessarily early out of habit or setting the thermostat too high. Or have central heating controls that are not energy frugal but are erratic so that it does not respond quickly to changes in temperature. 

I have been thinking of the nature of blogs, and I think they are essentially very self centred. I am no exception. 

It cannot help but be self centred. 

And will only present one point of view, that of the blogger. 

You will most probably find yourself wanting to write in and say ‘u are mistaken, I would do it different if I were you and you would benefit from it.‘

 I have often thought the same thing when I read other blogs and then stop myself writing in because I remind myself it is his blog and he is entitled to do what he likes about it and no point saying u can do it another way. 

Though sometimes the person rants round and round that point, that u  wish he would move on. 

Usually you stop reading his blog and might come back many weeks, months, years? Later . If ever. 

Well that is the price u pay for reading personal blogs .  So not sure if u will stick to reading this one. Haha. 

Well come back now and then. 

(Well, it does not take. i have pasted all the above and it still looks the same the green text i used did not show up either. correction, i found that button that allows colour text, but cannot find a button to increase text size nor different types of text)

added . i found out that the button named format is the one that controls the size of the text.

sending this post by email.

27 Oct


i wonder if this colour will take. if u dont see it, the background is purple, and the script is in green background.

i missed the different text and colours in my old blog. it is a option they provide without charging.

i have been reading other blogs here in this website, trying to find kindred gay guys , but i find a lot of them are rather unhappy about being gay.

why? it is just wonderful to be gay.

but i guess everyone have to go through the angst because society has really brainwashed us gays to believe it is wrong and that we should all be heterosexual and hanker after the opposite sex.

and then we are brainwashed to follow the straight ethos , being faithful to the partner, that u have to be married to have sex, and feeling guilty if we have sex before marriage or outside it.

then guys get hangups about what sex they have with other guys, and whether they are being unmasculine if they are bottoms, and all manner of dislikes … no pissing, etc, in the initial coming out stage, to finally being totally no holds barred sex … scat, pain, asphyxiation, fist fucking, piercings, splitting the penis , and more stuff that even i dont know about. haha.

sometimes when u see all these progressions in people doing all manner of things to get off , u cannot but laugh.

that is why when i hear a guy saying he finds some sexual acts distasteful and horrible, i secretly smile and think, one day we shall see u doing it all and enjoying it , depand on how long he lives haha.

anyway, the above is just a small aside. my stuff is quite vanilla though i would like to think i am rather somewhere midway between the beginner and the hardcore expert.

i like naked meetups with a guy or guys, so have been seeking them out.
it is just a matter of asking guys .

what my friends dont know wont enrage them.

26 Oct


a friend got so offended at what i wrote about him, that he called me to tell me saying he wrote an email to ask me not to visit him again, but did not send it, and called me instead.

i was amazed that he was angry at me writing about him in my blog and talking about his health problems. maybe in hindsight i should have realised that he would not like it told to all and sundry.

but if that is the case what is there to write about? or rather have i need to be careful what i write in future because he can read it?

so i decided i shall start a new blog that is completely separate from the old one, where i can write what the hell i want about my friends, warts and all and they wont be offended because i hope they will never know about this blog and never read it.

i know plenty of blogs that have suddenly been erased. i know why now after this happened to me. it was because someone they know, whether a parent , or friend, or whatever has discovered the blog and were offended or hurt that they have told their secrets to all and sundry…  all hell was let loosed.

of course, the blogger never realised that they were secrets, and like me maybe they thought no names were mentioned so no one would know that person anyway. but of course to the injured person who was talked about, they being hung up about the very thing will only feel humiliated. even if it was never the intention by the blogger.

i bet many of them closed that blog after the hoo haa, just to get rid of the aggro  and started a new one that no one they know will ever be invited to read.

so that is why i am starting this blog.

it is only for strangers, and all those who know me shall i hope never come here. haha.

it all started because i went to visit this friend. in a seaside town near me.

i went to visit him for a shagging holiday. it was for 3days.

but unfortunately, he developed back trouble, and so gone off sex altogether. that means no sex for me too. bugger!! but of course i did not let him know how i feel. haha.

he had enough troubles what with his bad back and all, for me to tell him of my frustration.

i wrote about his health, and said ‘poor chappie’ and he told me he went absolutely angry at me telling all the world about his private affairs.

i was careful to make no mention of the town, or his name, or any thing that might refer back to him, but he was not appeased.

he said he wrote an email at first asking me not to visit him again. but cancelled it and decided to call me instead.

i was shocked that he was angry at what i wrote. to me it was just an account of my impression.  but after we talked, with me being very apologetic saying i had no inkling he would be angry, or i would have asked his permission, or even, not write about it at all, we established that he was angry not at the things i said about him, but that i wrote it in my blog for all the world to read, even if he was not named.

personally i think he was overreacting. no one need know who i was talking about. it was just his guilty conscience , and his awful bad back that has stopped him from having sex and a good time that made him not want me talking of it.

at one stage i was wondering if it was better to just not visit him again, and gradually give up the friendship.

the truth can be painful , and he might not like to hear me say ‘lets call it a day’.

why  am i thinking of giving up seeing him?

we have known each other on and off for many years.

but on a casual basis.

he might not like me saying so, that this relationship to me  is not so much a friendship as a fuck buddy.

he says he has looked up to me, and idolises me, and that is why it hurts so much when he finds i have betrayed his trust by writing about it in my blog. (another blog which he knows about)

i was surprised at him saying he idolises me. he is older than me, so why is he idolising me. ridiculous really.

he said i have told him things that he had at first been very offended  but not say so to me about it, that he found  later as he mulled over it, he realised it makes sense  and

it actually made him change his opinion or way of life.

i asked him tell me of some of those times when what i said offended you. i said i really want to know because if

u said it offended u at first but u later realised it makes sense and u changed ,  how do i know when what i said is a good offensive remark and when does it tip over into a bad offensive remark.

ok, i know it has tipped over to a bad offensive remark like now when i blogged publicly and that is what u tell me u did not like.

but it was not so straightforward as that. we discussed it somemore and he finally admitted that it was not the remark i made in my blog, that he found offensive, it was the fact that it was written up in my blog for all to see.

so my remarks may still belong in that category of offensive at first but later turn out to be sensible and helpful. it was just that he did not like me writing about it on my blog.

sounds so much like someone telling me what to write and what not to write on my blog and wanting to dictate it.

it made me realise that my old blog cannot be used by me to express my opinion about my friends if they can read it.

no one likes to read what is said about them that is not flattering.

hence this blog i am making now.

i guess everyone who blogs sooner or later comes across this problem.

i am surprised it took me so long to encounter it. maybe many of my friends have read my blog and my opinion of them and quietly left me. without saying they were angry with me.

i may have just accepted their removal of their friendship as natural progression of a friendship that has run its course.

do i regret them leaving? not really, if i wanted their friendship i would have contacted them and kept in touch. so the feeling must be mutual.

but it shows that maybe it is unwise to test a friendship to such an extent.

so i think it better to make a new blog and never tell your friends about it and never let anyone u know read it.

then u can write truly from your heart , expressing frank observations of your friends and their situation.

u may ask why be so devious as to put up a blog slagging of your friends. but it is not done in a mean minded way or vindictive way. it is just me saying what i think.

it is not necessarily what is true, for each of us sees things differently, and i am sure another will interpret the same actions in a different more kindly way, or more nasty way.

but whatever it is, it is my honest opinion, much as it be false, or mistaken.

many times when i hear a friend talking about something we both know, my friend’s way of seeing it is very different from mine. his interpretation of the other person’s actions are at odds with mine.

that is why i know each persons opinion is not really worth much. even mine.

so dont agree with me. but dont oppose my thinking either, as u read future posts where i state things.

‘i will do it differently’, u will say. or you will say ‘ but ur interpretation is wrong’, or u might say ‘that is not how i see it, and that u are just being very selfcentred and putting things in your friends head and second guessing what he thinks and doing it all wrong’.

well, go and write your own blog.haha.

u may well be right. haha. but this is my blog and i can and will make what to u will be silly statements.

i think u might later find u agree with me, as my friend said to me that many times remarks i made that he said he was very offended by  at the time i made it and which he says were crap remarks… he later finds it makes sense and it actually made him change .

when he told me this, i cannot help thinking ‘i know ‘… but i did not say so of course. it would not be tactful.

my friend do not know himself well.

u know the saying, ‘know yourself’, my friend is far from that state.

anyway, i dont want to say i know everything, but i know quite a bit about life.

and have made my own life exactly the way i like it.

now u know of the advise, namely if u see someone who is very happy with his life, and u see things run smoothly in it, shouldn’t u at least

acknowledge that he knows something about life? and u should listen to him?

i would.

i would not ask the advise about life  of someone whose own life is a mess. just as u wont ask financial advise from someone who is a bankrupt or who is in debt, would you?