Tag Archives: SAD

so what if it is the longest day

21 Jun

london 8.33am 13.6C sunny longest day thursday 2018

sunrise 4.43am, sunset 9.21pm. 16hrs 38mins

actually the days are allready quite long yesterday and the day before, and will feel just as long for the next two days at least. essentially today is just longer by a few seconds really.

but people are fixated by statistics, and numbers, so most of us will celebrate today as the longest day. some might even feel happier because of it.

i dont seem to be happier or sadder either by today, or on the winter solstice. i stay indoors on those days, and when u are indoors you dont really notice the daylight or lack of it . why do i stay indoors so much? because when it is this time of year, there is a lot of pollen in the air and i get sneezing when i am outdoors , especially in the late evening… so i stay indoors to get out of it. and when it is winter, it is dark outside and so i stay indoors. so either way, i remain indoors. i know i miss out on the bright sunshine during the summer nights, but i dont mind. i am not a great fan of the sun, and dont mind if i stay out of it, rather than sunbathe and get burnt.

perhaps it explains why i dont get this ailment called SAD, (seasonal affected disorder, i think it is called)where people get moody when they dont see the sun. i wonder what they call the opposite condition, where u get depressed from seeing too much sun. i have a suspicion there are a lot of sufferers of that in the tropics. but no one wants to say so, for fear of being ridiculed. perhaps it is not so much the sunlight, but the heat, that gets them down.

modern houses dont cope with a lot of sun, they have too many windows with glass, that concentrate the sun’s heat inside the house. i recall those old bungalows i grew up in, with very high ceilings and shutters in their windows, and wide verandahs, which allow air in but not the sun. they are very cool houses but those houses are a rarity now. i think they have all gone. and everyone have to rely on airconditioning now to cool the house. 


16 Apr

london 6.25pm 14.7C sunny monday 2018

I have found out , when i went to see the dentist, for an abscess, that the tooth is split. it is unsaveable, and will need to come out. when i gave the dentist the list of medication, she said she had to ask my doctor to see what antibiotics i can take that wont interfere with the medicine. she said those medicines are so new, she is not familiar with them. and then she said i will have to be referred to the hospital to have the tooth taken out, as they dont have the facillities to do it in the dental clinic. i suspect as much… at least for now, i dont have any pain, just a slight swelling and slightly tender bump over the root of the tooth. it is a upper right canine. at least my dental trouble is not so unfamiliar as i was a dentist and knows more or less what is going on. it must have been split for some time. when the tooth is split, there is no other solution but extraction. i shall most probably go for a denture, as i am too wary of having more dental treatment. i want to keep it simple.  all that cutting and grinding if i opt for a bridge just cannot bear thinking about; and implants i think is too much trouble. at my age, i am not so concerned with aesthetics anymore.

all the time, i try  to keep things in perspective… life is not too bad really. or rather it could be worst. so that at least is something to be grateful for. there is no urgency nor pain, no emergency in other words. so i shall look on the bright side of it. i emailed a few friends to make arrangements to meet them and chat. i can do with human contacts. and i can chat with my friend from usa. he is leaving for home tomorrow. and he is quite a bit far removed to not be too overwhelmed with things happening to me. though having said all that he told me last night when he was in the gay club , he found he was very conscious of poppers being offerred to him, asking himself whether he really wanted to take the risk . so my heart attack had made him think twice. so he said that was why he did not join in, turned down 4 guys individually  who invited him and came home early. so i jokingly, but with some truth, said i am so sorry that i am the cause of it. in a way…and we both laughed , but sadly as well… 

sometimes hearing all this can make a person who is not me get more saddened…i know i get more sad just hearing what happens to my friends…  that is why i sometimes dont tell people because it makes them sad, and i dont want them to feel sad. there is after all nothing they can do. and they might imagine i am in pain when i am not… sometimes their imagination  can make them feel worse than the person who is having all this happening to him.



23 Apr

london 11.23am grey clouds but sunny , must be gaps in the clouds to allow the sun through. 9.4C saturday 2016

london 12.36pm 13.3C grey clouds friday 2016

i felt so gloomy yesterday , friday, because of all those deaths in the papers.

after i got home and had my lunch, which did cheer me up a bit, as it was a chicken curry that simon made from curry sauce in a jar;

 i thought i shall go out , even though there are grey clouds, but i thought getting out might cheer me up; and where else to go but to the aldi in old kent road. just for a destination, but also to buy … it is on the tip of my tongue, oh yes, cornflour.

i saw in the website that aldi is selling 500mg cornflour, for 62p, reduced from 65p. when u consider i have been buying tesco basic cornflour 250mg for 75p, i felt miffed that there is this one so cheap at aldi’s and i have not found it, even though i have been shopping there for a long time now.  anyway, when i did get to aldi, they have sold out of the cornflour, so i shall have to go another time, but i did manage to buy some veg, celery and cabbage, and cheap oranges 7 for 59p. so the journey was not completely wasted. haha.

but really it was just to get me out, and so when we hit a bad traffic jam near the roundabout where old kent road meets tower bridge road i was not too bothered and was able to figure out why there was such a jam. it was all due to a solid mass of traffic going up tower bridge road. as to why it was so, became clear only when i was on the way back and found whitehall completely lined with barriers. they were preparing for the london marathon on sunday and that was the reason for the traffic jam on the tower bridge road.

traffic was stopped to make it possible for the workmen to install and lay out all those steel barriers along the roads. it must be frustrating for the drivers… solid non moving traffic at a standstill all the way back to the elephant and castle when i was coming back on the other side of the road which was fortunately moving. it makes me scold myself for being depressed , when u can see all those people’s day being ruined.

maybe that little boy of 10 who said he was depressed might like to ask himself what in his short life is so bad to get depressed about. i think now and then a little kid can get frightened at all the doom and gloom stories he hears, from the news or from what he overhears his parents say. i remember once being quite disturbed by something, but luckily some one told me what is the worst that can happen, and what can i do about it, and when i said not a lot, he said then why worry about it? if it happens it happens, if not , not. either way worrying about it wont do anything.  it certainly cleared up that for me and i continued on my blissfully happy state having put it out of my mind. 


Digital StillCamera

Digital StillCamera

national portrait gallery in the background. this was on the lamp posts. the words below it are st.martin-in-the-fields. which is the church on the corner of trafalgar square.



first sunny day of the month

9 Dec

london 12.7C sunny wednesday 2015

today , this morning for the first time this december month, the sun came out and is shining in a bright blue sky . it has been grey up till now. so it has been 9 days since we turned december that the sun has come out. whilst the whole of november has been grey.

but somehow i dont seem to miss the sun that much. granted it is nice to get to see it and to see a bright blue cloudless sky but it wont kill me not to have it. i am glad i dont suffer from SAD, (seasonal affective disorder) that affliction which affects some people when they dont see the sun.

i think it is a mindset. if u think u can only be happy if u see the sun and it is bright and sunny and warm, than u will get sick if it is not. it is all in the mind. change that mindset and see the change. but it does mean u have to do the work of changing the mindset and a lot of people dont know how to do it, or have very indisciplined minds that talk back and tell them not to be idiots but to continue to believe the sun will make them happy.

there is an article in the papers today about how anti depressants are only as successful as mind therapy. and yet people criticise the mind therapy and praise anti depressants for fixing those who are depressed.

the only thing good about anti depressants is that in the short term they do something that makes people think it is working. ( i think they have a sedative effect, dulls the mind, and stops it nagging, so it appears as if the person is getting relief. )whilst mind therapy takes time and is expensive and requires the patient to put in the effort.

taking  a pill does not require any work by the patient. perfect for those who say ‘i dont have to do anything, u are the doctor u do allthe work to get me well’.

‘that is your job’, they say.

whereas if u are using the mind method u have to practise and do the work after the sessions with the mind therapist.

but i have noticed when i do yoga or tai chi with an instructor, i tend to not do it afterwards. i wait till the next lesson comes round and then do it. but that is not the correc way… to  only rely on the once -a -week sessions.

 i know i should be practising the moves every day, but i dont do it. why? if even i could fall into that laziness, how much easier are those who are allready afflicted to do  that.

that is why having mindful sessions take up so much effort and may not be successful at the end.

in the end, i believe it is not that crucial to get lessons from someone and expect to be taught. you can be your own teacher and do the mindfulness on your own.

many of us who are sensible and live an equable life without any of these neuroses, are those of us who can discipline our mind and scold it if it goes off kilter and start to tell us rubbish ideas and views.

the undisciplined mind can be a real nag. telling u all kinds of fibs, and creating anxiety. if u can remember a time when your mind tells u that u have forgotten to lock the door, or switch off the lights, etc. even though u remember clearly doing so. that is the nagging mind, telling u lies, and u should firmly tell it to fuck off or you will give it a earful. slap it down and then it might not nag at u and make u anxious. that is what i mentally do when my mind start acting up. i advise u to do the same.