Tag Archives: sadness

letting go

17 Jan


so much of the news is so saddening, isn’t it? i dont like to add to the sad mood by writing about loss, in fact i think i shall change my title into something else. i shall call it letting go instead. i went to a gay travel exhibition held at heaven, the night club in charing cross.

right from the start there was the loss of that old venue. it has been a long time since i went there, but i saw the main dance hall, now made into the exhibition space, and it looks so small.

i know its floor had been raised so that the vast big space that i used to know and had such many happy memories of dancing in, with the revolving ceiling lights that made it so enchanting then; has now become a small space, but in the bright lights there it brought back again to me how small that space was.

the gay travel exhibition is trying to get us interested in organised travel. so there was a gay cruise company showing there.

and a vienna competition to go there during the next eurosong contest. u have to pin a beard onto last year’s winner , conchitta, whilst being blindfolded. haha.

my effort was not too bad and i was entered into the draw. not that i am that keen on going to vienna. travel to me nowadays just means a lot of hassle. i know, i have lost the sense of wonder that travelling abroad used to fill me.

i shall consider it not as a loss, but as letting go of it. though it might not exactly console anyone if they love to travel and cannot do so now;  but to me it is easy to let that go, as i dont want to travel anymore.

on the way back on the bus, i switched on my mobile to find that it cannot find a signal, saying my sim registration cannot be found. oh dear, it looks like i have lost my mobile number, and it is such a good number too. it seems by not topping up, it must have run out of money and now it is gone, i cannot get back on again to top up. sigh, such a bother that i have lost that number, but i guess i shall have to let it go.

it is easy to buy another sim card, but the number may not be so easy to remember, not that people bother to remember their mobile numbers as it is easy to save the number when u call or text someone for them to save it on their phone.

it is my fault really, for not topping up when it ran low, just to keep that number. ah well, lesson learned haha. 

Digital StillCamera

Digital StillCamera

after the heaven visit, i went to chinatown, didnt find any bargains so was going to the bus stop in trafalgar square and passed this big hole in the ground surrounded by the shell facade of  portland stone, preserved as a front for what they will be building inside it.

the other side of this construction fronts leicester square. i suppose the city fathers must be aware that these old buildings dont suit modern requirements so gave planning permission to gut them whilst keeping the facade intact. it is a good compromise i suppose. there is the danger of preserving old buildings irregardless of how unsuitable they are for modern uses.

on another subject…something that is not lost. one thing that might cheer you up if u like nostalgia. it is this. i was looking at an advert for sofas, and was struck at how old fashioned it looked. ever thought about this strange anomaly? have a look at the website john lewis furniture.

john lewis is a modern store and yet those armchairs and sofas look so granny like. i suppose they must be comfortable and nothing for a 100 yrs have made modernity design more comfortable sofas.  that might explain why the design has been frozen in time.

there has been nothing  lost there, but maybe we could do with something more futuristic and cutting edge whilst still being comfortable.

maybe it is a lost wish, as our bodies have not changed at all so it is very unlikely we shall find a radical change of design… something else that will be more comfortable.

i think we can bet on it that this design for sofas and armchairs may still be around another 100 or 200 yrs away.

but perhaps i can find it in my heart to be a bit happier that this thing dont change. but somehow it does not really make me happier. here is one thing that i would like a more modern look, just so i can believe i am living in the 21st century.

somethings can still look familiar to someone from the past who time- travels to the future. 

sunset and reflections on life

10 Dec

I was at the tate modern members’ room last Sunday; using my new membership card which I won in a prize draw at the tate Britain. I went to sit outside where I can watch the sun set over the city scape.

Over 2hrs, I watch the changing light show. The sun do not set behind the buildings in front of us , but behind us so that the light is reflected off the glass in the tall high rise buildings. There is a changing light as they catch and reflect the dying light shining bright red and fading as the hours go by. The nat west tower is particularly imposing, as the windows are bordered from top to bottom by a small wall, and that catches and re flects so that the building is bathed in many red strips of red. And on top they have a water tower which is spot lighted green.
Next to the nat west tower is another building being built and its wall of glass reflects the sunset as a glowing large expense of red light.

I saw a single Chinese girl there, and she asked if the seat on my table was free and sat there. After some time of gazing at the city scene she asked me where I am from.

She is from Bangkok, here on a 10day visit to London. I asked if she is here for the shopping, but she said no. she said she was here a long time ago and just wanted to see it again and had been sightseeing.

I asked if she is a member of the tate too. (I had noticed many of the others coming out to the balcony were speaking foreign languages. They cant all be members surely?) She said she asked the security guard downstairs where she can get a nice view and he took her to the 4th floor and got her into the members room.

So it looks like if u are a foreigner and ask, you might just get the chance to view the members room and the fabulous view from the balcony. maybe that might explain why the place ws so crowded with people. it was from 2pm-4.30pm i was there. 

It might not only be for members only… not surprising really because if they want to make money out of selling food they will need a lot of customers. I think in the tate britain, the members room is smaller and to eat there u have to be a member, but anyone can wander up there to see the view. i wonder how they will make that exclusive for members’ use as there is no door they can stand guard , unlike the one at the tate modern. and if u go up by the lifts it actually bypass the single man at the desk on top of the stairs. i asked him if i am allowed to bring a guest to see the exhibitions, but it seems my pass is for only me. 

When I was viewing the sunset city scene, I felt quite melancholy. It is strange because I have never felt like that when I view the sunset in other places. I guess in other places I was looking directly at the sunset, whilst this one I am looking away from it. The sun was setting behind some buildings on the left of us. Hidden away the sun’s presence was only evidenced by the glow in the sky and the reflected light off some of the buildings in front of us. Somehow it is a different mood to seeing the actual orb glowing and dipping slowly towards the horizon.

Even though the river Thames can be seen in front and below us, it was a broad river, and the buildings on the opposite shore are concrete blocks really. The view might be like venice, in that there is this broad expense of water like the grand canal in venice, but the buildings let it down. None of the grandeur of the palazzos of venice.

Perhaps it was my mood too. For as we all know, plenty of the things we see are affected by our moods.

I experienced something over the last two days that make me realise that bad news can be devastating, but when it does not happen you would think it would make me feel ecstatic to the same degree but it does not. If the bad thing happens, it affects a person much much more than the news that it did not happen would raise that same person‘s happiness.

Why is that I wonder? Why does a thing not happening do not raise our happiness to the same degree as bad news makes us sad. The degree of sadness that the bad news brings to us is so much more intense and out of all proportion to the happiness we feel when the bad news did not happen.

And happiness seems to pass very quickly whereas the sadness seems to linger on for years and years and might never end. Why? It explains why there is so few happiness and a lot of sadness in this world.